Today, on the First Sunday of Lent, our Lenten poem from Education for Justice is by Joyce Rupp (whose books and poetry I have always enjoyed).
Dear God, why do I keep fighting you off? One part of me wants you desparately, another part of me unknowingly pushes you back and runs away.
What is there in me that so contradicts my desire for you? These transition days, these passage ways, are calling me to let go of old securities, to give myself over into your hands.
Like Jesus who struggled with the pain I, too, fight the “let it all be done.” Loneliness, lostness, non-belonging, all these hurts strike out at me, leaving me pained with this present goodbye.
I want to be more but I fight the growing. I want to be new but I hang unto the old. I want to live but I won’t face the dying. I want to be whole but cannot bear to gather up the pieces into one.
Is it that I refuse to be out of control, to let the tears take their humbling journey, to allow my spirit to feel its depression, to stay with the insecurity of “no home”?
Now is the time. You call to me, begging me to let you have my life, inviting me to taste the darkness so I can be filled with the light, allowing me to lose my direction so that I will find my way home to you.
Source: “Prayer of One Who Feels Lost” from Praying Our Goodbyes, by Joyce
Rupp. South Bend, IN: Ave Maria Press, 1988.